Rainmaker

rainmaker

Once on a sandy beach. There was boats lots of boats. When I was walking along the beach I realized that there was no water. So I went to go find water. First I have to find something to get around in. So I go and have a little walk around. Suddenly I find an aeroplane a mini one.  So I hop in it and lift of. i am i the sky for once in my life . My dream was to fly. Now i just need to find the cloud and make it rain. suddenly there is 3 other planes attacking me randomly the bigger plane apers shooting the 3 planes in one shot and we were fighting over the one cloud until i had put my special water changer on it and then I got shot  


 when we wached the video the class only wached up to where the girl spots a cloud and then we whent away to plan out our writing. I red it through after I had finished writing.Here is the video.

Here is how I created my story

I planed it out on paper

Can I please have some feed back on what you think I could inprove on in a narritive.